Query Letter revision

(I left the final paragraph the same, but changed these, including the type no one pointed out!  (Where did that apostrophe come from?))

In a rural high school, Mark’s choices for a girlfriend are limited, but when one girl takes an extreme interest, another follows, leading to more than his inexperienced heart can handle.
In Stalking Mark, a 58,000-word stand-alone YA novel, Mark Lender is openly desired by the craziest girl in school to the point that the rest of his peers take notice. This includes attention, and eventually his first taste of romantic affection, from the school’s all-state flame-throwing softball pitcher who dwarfs Mark not just in height, but also sexual experience. Aside from still battling the antics of a girl who is obsessed with him, the guilt of Mark’s potential loss of innocence weighs even heavier as he worries what his deceased mother must think. The novel explores the multiple conflicts presented by the social pressures of high school, as well as the surprises that love brings to a newcomer in the dating game.
I got some positive feedback and suggestions from the online course I do.  I think/hope they were being honest.  There’s nothing worse than thinking your stuff is great because of false feedback (remember that).
Today was my wife’s birthday.  We didn’t do a lot.  I made dinner, bought her some cookie dough (she prefers that over cake), and stuck some candles in in.  I got her the new Iron & Wine CD, a book, and of course the trip to Vegas to see Brittney Spears in late October.  She’s handling this birthday a lot better than the last one (this one isn’t as “big”).
I get to golf tomorrow.  I hope I don’t suck off the tee.  Putting poorly is okay because at least you don’t lose your ball.  It’ll be a long 18 holes starting after school.
I avoided that lady at open mic last night.  She was prowling around, but I stayed hidden in the “pros only” part of the showroom.  Then I went on right before her and buried her.  I left before she was off stage.  The similarities to her, and the girl from high school who I based the above book on are pretty weird.  Neither of them were “right” completely.  A lil’ off.  I tried to be nice, but it turns out she’s annoying everyone there.  She spills personal details about herself, interrupts, and wines…and ignores personal space.  If it’s a student, I can handle it, but an adult while I’m “working” my other job, I’d rather just avoid.  OK, I sound mean here.  Sorry, just trust me, I’m not being mean.
I’ll just write about something else.
I’ve got a fun activity for Friday.  You’ll get a chance to show some mad skills skillz. It usually falls short with my sophomores, but you’ll enjoy it.  And as always, coffee for perfect attendance for the week!

2 thoughts on “Query Letter revision

  1. Durham, you need to start teaching your students APA format and Chicago format. No professor allows MLA, it’s crazy. I have no idea how to write in APA, so I’m kind of lost. Don’t let your students me lost like me!!


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